I've had epilepsy since middle school. We've established that. I've also had depression since around the same time. It wasn't necessarily diagnosed, but it was there. My mom recently told me of the fight she had trying to get me on anti-depressants for around 10 years. Ten. Whole. Years. Insane. It took this long to find a…
Day 3: Paranoia
I didn't realize how the anxiety would change through the days. I struggled with it throughout the day instead of just at night. It came and went every once in a while. The physical symptoms are gone. I worked and cooked and cleaned; all of that good stuff. I'm not even tired! So what does…
Day 2: The Realization
Years ago the day after would be like a lazy day. I'd be super careful with what I did and not get much done. I'd basically sit on the couch all day. I'm realizing now that, after almost 14 years as an epileptic, I've changed. Circumstances have changed too. I had no issues today. I…
Day 1: The Episode
I know when it's coming. I feel different. There's not a way to explain it other than I just know. Then the jerking begins. Then I blackout. But what happens after the fact? I'll tell you because it happened today. When I regain conciousness I'm gasping for air. I can't move, can't speak, can't do…
When I Quit Piano
I started learning to play the piano early on in life, around 5 or so. I was really good at it. I hated practicing and going to lessons, but man did I love to play. I was good at it too. Really good. I advanced through the theory books with ease. I remember how it…
What’s Four Hours of Sleep Like?
Have I ever wanted to experience night life? Yes. Have I even tried? Not really. The only times I've stayed up later than normal were at sleepovers when I was a kid. Otherwise it's usually an 11 pm bedtime for me. Lately my husband and I have learned the hard way that one of our…
Dear Twitter People
You inspire me. I haven't used Twitter too much because I believed it was boring and useless. Now that I've started following different epilepsy themed Twitters I've come to realize that I enjoy it more. And that there are people out there just like me. My favorite things to read are the tweets about how…
I’m Still Afraid
I don't know if it's just me, or if other epileptics experience this, but I can't shake this fear of acceptance. I know I'm an epileptic and I know I'm writing my life story here, but I still feel a sense of invisibility here. If I were to tweet or post about this...this part of…
Post-Seizure Days
People who aren't too educated about epilepsy assume that once it's over it's over. I feel like people dismiss what happened and go on. What frustrates me is that there isn't any talk about real epilepsy. For the most part people know what a seizure is, but past that, nothing. Post-seizure days are the days…
The Year Everything Changed
2016. Last year was the busiest, most complicated year I've ever lived. It was full of life changes, many, many trials, health issues, etc. Good days and bad days. Amazing days and horrible days. 2016 put every year I've lived and every year in the future in perspective. It put my life, my faith, my…
Absence of Mind 